Staying Strong
by struckbykurtsie
Summary: It's time for the weekly radio show to begin and Dan's emotions get the better of him, Phil is the one by his side who is able to comfort him. Fluffy Phan, I guess.
1. Chapter 1

That certain time on a Sunday evening had arrived yet again. The time where countless young members of society would sit in front of their laptops, computers and radios because their two favourite idols would be on their screens in just a few more minutes. It was the time for two best friends, youtubers and radio presenters, Dan and Phil to go live on air once again. Thousands of voices were about to scream.

"Stop what you are doing; unless you are driving."

Phil turned to look at Dan and gave a tiny smirk, that intro has always humoured him for some reason.

"AmazingPhil and DanIsNotOnFire have escaped from the Internet and climbed into your ears."

More laughter from Phil, before nudging Dan gently with his elbow. Dan was looking worryingly pale, so Phil awkwardly apologised in case he had hurt his friend. Dan shrugged his shoulders, took a deep breath and prepared himself to speak for the whole nation to hear.

"Hello guys, once again I am Dan," Dan drifted off.

"And I'm Phil."

The pair looked at each other, silently asking each other who was going to speak first. Phil opened his mouth first.

"So...we've had a pretty busy haven't we, Dan?"

Dan simply nodded, Phil looked at him concerned now. Obviously something wasn't right. Phil continued.

"We've, well, I've had a kinda busy week. I've been taking trains backwards and forwards to places. Like a headless chicken, or something. It's a really funny story actually, but I will tell you all after this week's first video."

Dan eventually spoke up, "Yes. This isn't just any old radio show, oh no. If you send us your home-made music videos in to us, we could be playing them to the entire universe on the Radio 1 website. Seriously, the whole world is watching. You could be like, the next Beyoncé or something."

Although Dan was speaking, his voice wasn't cheery or lively, Phil was still glancing at him.

"This video is absolutely great, although very, very, very, very, very, very active," Phil goes on.

"I'm jealous."

"Ahaha, so if you want to see that and other videos then go to the Radio 1 website right now. The very first song played this week, is Panic Station by Muse," Phil finished his sentence and the music started to emerge.

They each took their headphones off as Phil finally asked Dan if he was alright. Dan gave no answer. They both stood next to each other, not talking. Phil was scrolling through hundreds of tweets sent to the Radio 1 twitter page, each of them saying that their radio show was easily the highlight of their week.

Dan suddenly turned to face Phil slightly, his eyes filled with tears. Phil looked even more worried as Dan whispered, "I'm sorry" and ran off.

Phil walked around in a daze, he couldn't just follow his friend, they had a radio show to present and fans to entertain. Although the fans watching has just witnessed one half of the duo run away, sobbing his heart out. Their fan base was usually very comforting and they love their idols more than anything, surely they would understand?

The song quickly ended and Phil had put his headphones back on his head.

"Ok, I think Dan's gone to...collect some things for...this week's Dan vs Phil," Phil lied. That part of the show wasn't going to start until ages yet. "Anyway, I think it's time for a treat for you guys. We get bucket loads of longer videos to longer songs and we haven't been able to play them because, just because, okay?"

Phil began scrolling through music videos; he was lying through his teeth. The longest videos were a maximum of 4 minutes, which were not unbearably long at all.

"This video, umm, is basically about a young girl who is lost, and she basically starts...you-you'll understand if you just watch it. Here is Welcome To The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance."

The song started to play and Phil removed his headphones again. He took one look at the tweets coming in, all of them reading something like "where's Dan". Phil gave a chilling, terrified look at the camera unknowingly before sprinting off towards the Green Room.

Phil took one quick look around the room, it was massive but fairly empty. Dan was nowhere to be seen, however. The only person who was there was Scott Mills, and he was clueless about Dan's whereabouts when he was asked.

"Nope, I haven't seen him. I thought he was supposed to be with you anyway. You two have got a radio show to be doing," Scott responded but with a slight cheeky grin.

"I know, I know. Dan ran away and I'm trying to find him. He looked really upset, and he was in tears and I think I ignored him and-"

"Woah, woah, woah, hold it there cowboy. You go find Dan, do you want me to take over the radio show today at least until Dan returns?"

"Oh, thank you so so so so much," Phil gratefully said.

They went their separate ways from each other; Scott making his way to take over the radio show, Phil going on a mission to find Dan.

Phil, who needed to pee quite badly, fled into the nearest male bathroom and pushed the nearest stall open. Dan was sitting on the closed toilet seat, with his head against his knees, his face had gone red and his eyes were extremely puffy. It was obvious to anyone that he had been crying.

Dan looked up but then sadly lowered his head so that he was looking down at his jeans. Phil just stared at Dan before kneeling in front of him. He smiled sympathetically.

"Dan?"

Dan made a noise that consisted of no audible words.

"Dan, I can't hear you when your mouth is covered up, can I?"

"I said," Dan sat up straight. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"What don't you want to do anymore? Radio 1? YouTube?" Phil asked him.

"Live."

Phil's eyes opened wide, so did his ears, not quite believing what he had just heard.

"I don't want to live, Phil. I'm fucking tired of everything."

Phil's stomach had turned upside down and he started to feel sick, but he still wanted to comfort him.

"D-Dan, this happens every so often. You panic about your life and your future and then you just sort of roll around on the floor for 2 hours. But I'm pretty sure everyone gets that feeling of not knowing what to do with their life. I used to get that too."

"This is more than just some existential mother fucking crisis, Phil. That just lasts for like a few hours, I've been feeling like an empty sack of shit for months now."

Phil didn't speak, he only nodded sadly at him.

"I know that I'm doing stuff. I mean, I'm always filming or editing videos or coming up with ideas for Radio 1 shows. It's just, I'm tired of everything, I have been for a while now," Dan carried on.

"You seem, I don't know, I never would have guessed that you've been feeling this way. You're always so, I don't know, happy," Phil said.

"I've been covering it up. I thought that I wasn't doing a good job of that but it must have been working. No one seemed to question anything," Dan was struggling to get his words out.

"Dan, that's not the only thing you're covering up, is it?"

Dan looked up properly at Phil, who was still kneeling. Tears that had been building up inside Dan's eyes were now beginning to fall down his face.

"Pull your sleeves up now," Phil demanded.

Phil hadn't sounded remotely threatening at all, but Dan, with a horrified expression painted on his face, reluctantly removed his jacket. His arms were covered in shocking red marks. Dan's face was startlingly pale as he just stared into his scarred skin. Phil started running his fingers gently across Dan's poor, marked skin.

"D-Dan, I'm not gonna tell anyone or even talk about this with you. All I ask of you is to get some help. Please. If not for yourself, then do it for me," Phil made Dan wrap his little finger around his own and they both left the bathroom together.

The pair walked down the corridor together, heading back to present the remainder of their radio show when Dan had suddenly stopped.

"Phil," Dan breathed out quietly.

"Yes," Phil responded.

Dan practically jumped up at Phil, pulling him close into the biggest hug the duo had ever had, nearly knocking Phil over onto the floor.

"I love you, Phil. I really, really do. Thank you so so so so much for being my friend, because I appreciate it so fucking much," Dan said through his tears.

Phil gripped Dan closer, with his eyes closed so no tears could escape, "I love you too, Dan. You are honestly the most greatest friend I could have ever asked for."

The pair continued hugging for five minutes straight before gradually letting go. They looked into each others eyes, thanking fate that they had met each other and thanking themselves that they made their friendship the best that they possibly could.

* * *

**Any opinions/reviews? I don't know, I was really proud of this when I first uploaded but now I'm not so sure so I'd love to hear what you thought :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I only originally planed this to be a one-shot but leaving it the way I did just didn't seem right so I've decided to make it a multi-chapter fic (yay). So, I hope you and enjoy and I apologise for the very late upload.**

* * *

**Staying Strong**

Even after his best friend comforting him, Dan still felt lost, depressed and alone. However, he still managed to stick a steady smile on his face, for the viewers and for the fandom.

If he had managed to fool the fandom, Dan wasn't too sure, but one person who knew him too well was his closest friend Phil. Phil, who had kept an eye on Dan throughout the entire radio show, was still glancing nervously at his pal in the taxi back to their home together.

"I know you're looking at me, and I'm not okay with it. So stop," Dan said without even facing Phil.

Phil didn't know what to say; he'd never been in this situation that Dan was in now. Phil thought about the time where he fell into the giant hole named depression. He still didn't know what to say, he may have had dark, depressing thoughts but he had never even considered taking a blade to his skin. Not like Dan had.

The taxi ride home was silent, but not exactly awkward. Dan had a rough idea in his head that Phil was thinking long and hard about something, something about him. Dan has known Phil for some time now, even when they weren't sharing a flat, Phil had become somewhat of an idol for Dan, so Dan had grown to learn an awful lot about his inspiration. And if there's anything that the tall, brown-haired YouTuber knew about his companion, it's that Phil was a very quiet human being, but when he was deadly silent he was usually devising something clever.

'Be prepared for an inspirational speech when you get home', Dan thought to himself.

When the taxi had finally arrived at their flat in London, Dan ran straight inside, leaving Phil with the responsibility to pay the taxi driver.

"Good luck with him, I thought he looked quite upset before we even got here; I could see through the mirrors," The taxi driver sighed. "Take care of 'im, will ya?"

Phil smiled sadly, "I will, I had a talk with him on the radio show we both do. He just ran out right when it began, before I left the studio to go look for him."

The driver's eyes widened, "Ah, so that's what happened. I was listening to your show while driving. It's so strange, he sounded absolutely fine, you wouldn't think he was even a tad bit upset. But obviously he must be an extremely good actor."

Phil smiled at the driver before handing him an extra ten pound note as a tip, but the driver simply refused.

"Keep your dosh, lad. Spend it on something to cheer your little friend up, I don't know, chocolate or something. That's what I do when my wife's depression hits her. I mean, it doesn't solve the problem, but it cheers them up, even if it's only for a little while."

Phil looked thoughtful for a few seconds, "You know what, that's not a bad idea. I might just do that, thank you."

They both waved goodbye to each other before the taxi turned a corner and was out of sight. Phil turned to face the flat and sighed, worrying about what exactly Dan had been doing while Phil was deep in conversation. He opened the door and sprinted up the steep stairs and into Dan's bedroom. Phil found a stained blade lying on the floor, Dan's arms which were dripping with blood and a full bottle of pills lying next to Dan's hand.

"Oh no..." Phil whispered to himself.

Phil dived quickly to snatch the pills away from his desperate best friend but Dan was too fast for him. The pill's were firmly in Dan's tight grasp, his breath was loud and his pulse rate was beating incredibly fast and loud. His eyes were supposed to be a warning to Phil, a warning that read "leave me alone", but Phil read a different book in his eyes, one that read "help me".

"Go away, Phil, I'm alright honestly. Trust me."

Phil looked at him with a half angry facial expression and a half concerned one.

One thought ran through Phil's mind: if he were to leave Dan alone, he might do something dangerous and stupid. Something that Phil could have stopped happening. If he had left Dan alone, it could have been the end, Dan's last day on Earth.

Phil was not prepared to let Dan go like that.

* * *

**Any reviews/opinions :) Once again I am so so so so sorry for the extremely late upload, I'll try not to forget about this fanfiction again, okay :) So anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading it 3**


End file.
